the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize