It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
