She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
