I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
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I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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