Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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