I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
