$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
