"it" just moved
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's never too late to be topless.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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