whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
