I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
