I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
