I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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