he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
