god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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