Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize