she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
