here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I cut my penus on the lid.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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