I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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