Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
