i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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