I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
