SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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