I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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