He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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