guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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