Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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