He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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