we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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