Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
