I think I am morally bankrupt
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
