You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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