somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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