i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
