where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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