babies were throwing up all over the place
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
