If i come over, it means nothing
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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