we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
