shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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