i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
