Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
