it's like iHOP with fire
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
