mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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