I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
