I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
