glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
