I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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