His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
