I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
