I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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