Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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