guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
