The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
