WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My life is pants optional.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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