Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
