just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
