I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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