pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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