I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
