i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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