this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize